Parenting Single

The Other Side Of The Storm!

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:38:00 GMT

Ladies and Gentlemen

I wanted to update everyone and say thank you sooooo very much for your prayers and concerns for our safety here in Houston, Tx. Thanks to Liz especially for keeping tabs on me...it helped so much to have phone calls from friends and family...even if it was just voicemails due to irregular signals and what not...

I was pretty much at peace about the whole thing because I knew who was in control. My son, however, had never experienced a Hurricane or anything like it before, so I pretty much focused on him, for the most part...we went and got some food and supplies and a few fun things to do (board games) while we sat and waited for the oncoming storm. The worst part of the storm did not actually reach us till about 3 am. We were sort of asleep in my walk in closet. It seemed like the sounds of the wind and rain were magnified in there. I was up and down all morning checking outside...eerie colors and sounds made my heart beat fast, so I went back to check on my son, who thankfully was sound asleep. The next day and evening was rain, rain, rain and lots of thunder. It made my building shake. Spent the day Saturday playing ‘Sorry’, ‘Battleship’, ‘Pirates of the Carribean Life’ (very interesting game-Ahoy matey!) and sleeping, good to catch up on rest.

Went out a little Sunday morning to just look around, was like driving through a damaged ghost town. Trees on houses, power-lines down, stop lights hanging down to the ground, limbs and debris all over the roads, broken glass and very few people on the road. Everything was noticed by my son.

Sunday night was my first full nights sleep as I was staying at a friend’s house because we had no power since Saturday very early am. My son and I live in an apartment and the whole area was without power including stores, gas stations and restaurants. I took my food from the freezer to my friend’s house so it would not spoil; her mother brought her food over so it would not spoil. We had so much food, almost felt guilty. We cooked for 6 and it felt good to feel somewhat normal.

Her mother and I have been friends for a long time; we met at our church years ago. We have been involved with many ministries and projects together and now we were hanging out, keeping each other company. Taking care of our families.

I am now back in my house…power and water came on in my apartment complex Monday evening which was a great relief. I returned to work today for which I was very grateful to be able to get out of my home. The place where I work was damaged and we could not return until they finished their repairs. I am sure you have seen some of the damage to the office buildings in Houston and ours was dealing with the same.

Our ability to get out and about has also been impacted by the gas shortages. Many have had to wait up to two or three hours to get gas. I got out first thing yesterday to make sure I had a full tank to go back to work…I waited 20 minutes. God was merciful!

It was very disconcerting being disconnected from the world. Not knowing exactly what was going on around me. Not having a television with the choice of many different news channels reporting important information. With limited radio access I felt cut off to some extent. The phone calls from friends and family offered some info, being more comforting than informative.

My laptop crashed the day before the storm and was in the shop to be repaired so I did not even have that… Monday evening was the first day that I was able to see the news stories about Galveston and Houston so it is rather surreal to know there is so much devastation just on the other side of the city… (I live about 30 miles North West of Houston)

I think if you asked me how this event has impacted my life I would have to say it has made me realize how unprepared I am for some things in my life. I have been through other “storms” of life that have left me standing in the middle of total devastation so compared to those storms this was like rainy day with a few inconveniences.

I did not lose everything I own as those in Galveston. I did not even go without food or have to stay in a shelter with strangers uncertain when I could return to my home and afraid of what would be found. During the days after the “eye of the Hurricane” passed over there was something stirring inside me…I would describe it as helplessness…that is what a “storm” in ones life brings you to.

Total dependence on something or someone else. If I had dwelled on that thought it would have unleashed fear, paranoia, panic and desperation. But the one thought that kept the helplessness at bay was “you know the One who created you and all that you see, the One who controls the wind and sea” as I wrote about in the last entry. (Miracles, Miracles, Miracles and then the storm!) Today as I opened up my office, preparing for a work day I changed my devotion calendar to today’s date…it said

We don’t live on spiritual highs. When we feel all is lost, we can will to trust God.

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You” Psalm 56:3

God gave me that thought because I have a relationship with Him. I know His love, His grace and His hand of mercy in my life. I know that because He has been the faithful one in our relationship, He has, over and over, shown me that He has never left me, He has never forsaken me. I pray that for those who do not know Him that they will meet Him during these long days of recovery. I am grateful to be on the other side of the storm and extremely thankful for our safety. God is good all the time!!!!

Again, thank you all so very much if you lifted us in prayer!!!

Grace to you all...

Shell

As a side note...my son and I got to continue our discussion on God during the last few days. He has seen His hand through others at school and through this event. It made me smile!

Miracles, Miracles, Miracles and then the storm!

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 15:32:18 GMT

The passage Matthew 8 is so timely to me this week…my 11 year old son, Sam and I have been having conversations about God and His existence. Sam has had some disappointments lately that have caused some doubt to creep into his mind about God. This was serious to him and he did not want me to be upset. But he did want me to know.

I myself do not question God’s existence nor even His presence but privately have questioned what His will is in a particular area of my life. In trying to discuss with my son the doubts he is having I am finding some things too difficult to explain. I mean some of what I know is only through experience. He says to me, when the discussion is over his head, “my head is full!” That is my cue to back up. I have tried to teach my children that God is not a magician. But trying to teach them who and what He is, sometimes makes my head “full!”

In going to God’s Word I find something that I can show Sam. I find a recounting of grown men who doubted the Lord, who were afraid when a storm came upon them even with Christ in their midst. Not to mention the fact that they had just witnessed miracle after miracle following a mountain sermon.

Can you imagine those first days after hearing Jesus speak for the first time? The moment one became mesmerized by his wisdom and his air of authority. Both of which would have been hard to miss by those who could sense they were in the presence of something Holy. I would have like to been a person in the "multitude" coming down off the mountain after his sermon, following him, wanting to know more. Wanting to see more and hear more. That is how a good message from God's Word moves me. It makes me hungry to know Him more.

Those following Jesus that day got to see more...they saw miracles. The healing of the leper, the healing of the Centurion's servant, healing of Peter's mother-in-law and the two men possessed of devils. Can you even fathom what was going through the minds of those witnessing the two men being set free and becoming normal, while witnessing the swine throwing themselves off a cliff?

In my discussion I had with Sam I spent several minutes recounting all the things God had done for our family throughout his 11 years. As I was listing them I felt my heart begin to understand something that really had not occurred to me. The disappointment I have often felt in not getting what my heart desired or what my mind believed it should get was merely a sign of un-surrender(if that is a word?) I don’t necessarily believe it to be rebellion as much as I think it to be ignorance of what can be accomplished through spiritual death of “dying to self.” Just allowing God to do His will with no “but”!

What if I never doubted? What if I never questioned? Has there ever been a person who never did? Did it occur to anyone that Jesus questioned His father? “My God, My God, why has thou forsaken me?” I for one have asked that question in grief and even with the gut wrenching effort it took for me to utter those words, would not even compare to the depth of Christ’s grief on the cross. What is it that God placed into each man that causes us to doubt and question? How do I explain that to a child?

The disciples went with Jesus on the ship, which found itself in the midst of a storm (tempest) being covered by waves. Even after all that they witnessed, the disciples were afraid and went to Jesus and cried out to Him. Did their actions show doubt or faith? If they had faith that Jesus could protect them, then why did they fear in the first place? What were they questioning, certainly not His ability, because He is after all the one they went to for help. I believe, and this is my opinion, that they were questioning His willingness. Would He do it? Do we deserve it? Can we trust Him to do it?

This is where I believe God shows us if we are surrendered or not. If we trust completely, if we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He loves us enough to protect, provide and care for us when the storm comes then why would fear enter into our minds at all?

What did the Lord do?

He arose, rebuked the wind & sea and then all was calm. This they marveled at! This caused them to ask themselves, finally after all they had seen, what manner of man is this that the wind and sea obey?

What will it take in our lives to not only marvel at the Son of God but to so trust Him that there would be no questions in our minds at all?

And that is what I told Sammy.

Grace to you all…

Shell
PS...this was the Bible verse for today on Biblegateway...go figure!

Isaiah 26:3

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”

Just One Hour?

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:30:10 GMT

"It is as strange that a man can be in a sinful, miserable condition, and not be aware of it, as that a man should have a beam in his eye, and not consider it; but the god of this world blinds their minds." Mathew Henry’s Concise Commentary on Matthew 7:7-11

How many times do we rush to judge others while ignoring what is in our hearts and life? The whole chapter of Matthew 7 points us to how sinfulness shows up in our lives. He paints the picture for us so we can understand how easy it is for us to be blinded to the condition of our lives.

He says:

Wide is the gate & broad is the way to destruction, while strait is the gate & narrow is the way to life.

A good tree bears good fruit, while a bad tree bears bad fruit and is cut down and burned.

A house built upon a rock will not be torn down when the storms come but a house built upon the sand will be washed away with the storm.

I find it interesting to note that before Christ paints the pictures with His words of the spiritual conditions of our lives, He specifically tells us that we can go to the Father in our conditions and seek His help & understanding....the best news of all is that He will give it to us.

7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

By this we know we do not have to stay in this condition, we only need to be ever searching our own hearts and asking for understanding, from Him, as to the sinful things we can not see in our lives....

I meet people every day that seem to be in a trance, you speak to them about spiritual things and they just smile at you and nod. Sometimes they may even throw in their 2 cents, but there is no depth to what they say. The conversation just hangs there in mid air waiting to be concluded. At that point, I have a sense of disappointment, that I have missed out on an opportunity to gain some insight from another through their wisdom or Chrisitian journey or perhaps even to be used of God, myself to minister to another soul.

I believe each of us has a spiritual need inside of us that needs to be filled. Just like our stomachs need food when it is hungry. The audible sound our stomach's make, the rumbling or the "growl", would be the calling for the food. As to the spiritual need, I believe it is a restlessness or a nagging, as I like to call it. It can be uncomfortable or disconcerting. But just as many have fed their stomachs too much or when it was not hungry, they have lost the sensitivity to hunger. We don't even know when to stop eating because we have ignored the sensation of being filled!

So as it is with our spiritual need. We are often so filled with so much of the world that we have lost the "nagging". We may still feel the restlessness but have lost the ability to discern that it is a result of spiritual hunger.

Just as Jesus asked the sleeping disciples, “Would you not pray with me one hour?” I believe God is asking each one of His children, “would you not seek me for just one hour?”

I often feel that way with other Christians…I am bored of small talk and restless to see the Holy Spirit move in and through God's people. ”Can we not discuss our Savior and His truths for just one hour?” I only ask this question because of the restlessness I am feeling and I sense that it is God the Father drawing me in, wanting more from me. A deeper fellowship. I guess I just wanted some company!

May we all seek Him and fill our needs in Him!

Grace to all my MSN friends!

Shell

Do I Look Like My Savior?

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:24:20 GMT

Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him:

Colossians 3:9-11

An excerpt from Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary Colossians 3:9-11

“As Christians are freed from the ceremonial law, they must walk the more closely with God in gospel obedience. As heaven and earth are contrary one to the other, both cannot be followed together; and affection to the one will weaken and abate affection to the other.

Those that are born again are dead to sin, because its dominion is broken, its power gradually subdued by the operation of grace, and it shall at length be extinguished by the perfection of glory. To be dead, then, means this, that those who have the Holy Spirit, mortifying within them the lusts of the flesh, are able to despise earthly things, and to desire those that are heavenly. Christ is, at present, one whom we have not seen; but our comfort is, that our life is safe with him.

The streams of this living water flow into the soul by the influences of the Holy Spirit, through faith. Christ lives in the believer by his Spirit, and the believer lives to him in all he does.”

Did you know that man was created in the image of God? The IMAGE OF GOD!!! I imagine that when man fell into sin that our image was tarnished, so much so that God needed a way to clean us up…thus His perfect plan, His Son, Jesus Christ! Once a person accepts Christ as their personal Savior, God begins a “makeover” plan! He begins to conform you into His (Christ) image! I have written before about how I believe God is doing that in my own life, Mirrors Are Futiile!!! and I believe it is different for each believer. While I think it is good to question how God is doing that in your life, I also think we should question our intentions in this process. As a believer we should all desire to be conformed to the image of Christ.

Are you motivated by how others see you or by the intimacy with the Heavenly Father?

Man

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Gen 1:27

Christ in Man

For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Romans 8:29

Intimacy with the Father brings about conformity to the image of Christ

Jesus, being in His Father’s image, prays to His Father bringing about intimacy.

Each line of the model prayer Jesus prays is a call to intimacy with the Father and a call for our worship to be proved by our outward actions.

The 10 commandments were the original “proof”, if you will, that God’s chosen people were walking in His ways. The commandments dealt with their personal relationship with God (1-4) and their relationship with others (6-10)

How does Jesus’ model prayer compare to the 10 commandments? We often forget that while Jesus did away with the law through his atonement on the cross, we are to seek to live a life set apart from the lost. We are to still walk in God’s ways. But our motivation must be through intimacy and worship, not necessarily “outward appearance”. If there is true intimacy there will be true worship and it will naturally be proved by our actions.

Jesus' Model Prayer

Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

The 10 commandments give us a picture of what intimacy with God the father would look like when seeking Him.

The 10 Commandments lived out…

We would have no other gods before the Lord our God

He would be first in all things!

We would not make for ourselves any graven image

We would not strive for more money, outer beauty, put people or careers on a pedestal, seek satisfaction through empty vices.

We would not take the name of the LORD our God in vain

There would be no cursing come from our lips.

We would remember the sabbath day and keep it holy.

We would set aside one day of worship for our Lord instead of leasure!

We would honour our father and mother and our days would be long upon the land which the LORD has God given us.

We would take care of our parents who have taken care of us. We would love them and honor them with our words, no matter the kind of parents they were.

We would not kill.

We would not allow the taking of innocent life!

We would not commit adultery.

We would not look for something else to satisfy, we would be faithful to all of our commitments.

We would not steal.

We would not take anything which was not ours, we would give from our hearts in generosity to things of the Lord in stead of keeping for ourselves.

We would not bear false witness against our neighbors.

We would not manipulate, we would not tell a lie, or white lies –half truths, or twist the truth so that it benefits ourselves

We would not covet

We would not want what another has, we would be content with what God has given us and would rejoice for those who do have!

In walking in intimacy we would indeed love the Lord our God with all our hearts, our minds, our souls and with all our strength!!!!

Grace to you!
Shell

I just got tagged...

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:14:09 GMT

It has been a busy two days here on MSN...kind of fun shaking things up a bit...I have enjoyed meeting some new people and making new friends here....so many amazing people, from all walks of life, reaching out and being lights...Praise God!! If you haven't gotten to know anyone on here I encourage you to do so...what a blessing! May we all keep reaching out and making a difference for Christ!

Ok, LiveforHim just tagged me, so here it goes...

Rules:
Each person posts the rules before their lists, then lists 8 things about themselves. At the end of the post that person lists 8 other people they want to tag, then visits each of their sites leaving a comment that they have been tagged & to come to your space & read the post so they will know what to do.

List:
1) I have lost 18 lbs since July 1st 2008 and several more to go...
2) After raising 4 children I have 1 at home currently, yikes I miss them all so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3) Scrapbooking is one of my fav things to do and have completed 10 albums since 2002!
4) I love the ocean, the mountains and the hills of Missouri in the fall!
5) My favorite kind of movies are usually based on true stories about overcomers and have to do with sports!
6) I would rather have a kiss than a bouquet of flowers. (but I wouldn't turn down the flowers )
7) My favorite sensation is being barefoot in the sand and a wave washes over feet on the way back out...
8) My desire is to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength so that in turn His love would flow through me to others!!!

Tagged:
Angie
Bill Loytty
Gerry
Cassie
Chelle
Artisticbaker
Mandy
Will

My Weblog Award List...

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:01:27 GMT

Shell's Nominations!

Llist 7 people to whom you would like to receive this award then you must contact them to let them know they have received it! Along with listing them you must provide the reasoning behind it! It is then up to them to pass this along to 7 of their friend’s. Let’s see how long we can keep the ball rolling!

Here are mine...

A lady I truly admire...a mother of 5 and a stroke survivor.

Faithfulmom

A sweet spirit and kind heart, living with her husband and two children in Saudi Arabia. I pray for their safety!
Jaleen Fuller's Space

A beautiful young lady just out of high school choosing to live for the Lord.
Liveforhim

A down to earth lady with a wonderful eye for the world, her pictures inspire me!
North Country Fire

A peaceful place to visit!
Meg's Garden

A lady full of light and wisdom gifted in teaching God's Word!
Inspirational Food forThought

One of my first friends on MSN Spaces and a delight to visit!
BLOG QUEST

Relieve Your Temptation!

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:12:22 GMT

I don't know why this came to me as I was reading Matthew 4. It kind of takes me back to when I wrote poetry as a teenager. As I was taking mental notes on all that took place before Jesus' ministry I kept summing it up with one word descriptions. While this is not in depth, nor a revelation by any means I thought it was kind of neat. I shared it with a few others a while back but thought it would be neat to share it again.

Jesus'
Temptation
was a
Preparation
to draw a
Congregation
for the
Education
of God's
Revelation
through his son's
Reputation
bringing
Dedication
from the multitude!

The one point that stuck out in my mind was the use of scripture by the Lord to overcome temptation. I have learned that lesson well. You must know it so well, wall-papering your mind with it so that when, not if, temptation comes, the Word just comes out naturally. Usually, when we are under pressure to give into sin is not the best time to be grappling for a weapon, just as a soldier would not go into battle and leave his weapon back at the rear, we need to arm ourselves and be ready for battle at a moments notice.

God's Word says

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

Another item worthy to note, is that the devil, himself, used the scripture against the Lord, he is very well versed and knows how to use it against us. Especially Christians who are weak in knowledge of God's Word.

Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. James 2:19

We often wonder why we have to go through temptations. There is not an easy answer, though the Bible has some insight to that end. In Jesus' case, I believe God used it to not only prepare Him for His ministry but also as an example to us as to how to fight temptation.....

With His Word!

Grace to you all today...
Shell

New Song: Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 02:07:56 GMT

I have been hearing this song on the radio for the last couple of weeks and the more I listen to it, the more I have made it my prayer...God is opening new doors for me and it has been exciting...partly because I knew once I surrendered to Him in certain areas of my life He would do "great and mighty" things...as I told Greg (Blog Quest) instead of being amazed at the things He does I am "delighted". FYI to my last blog entry...I have lost 12 lbs since last Wednesday and have began my daily exercise...at the same time my mind seems to be renewed and refreshed. I am believing God for the rest on my list!

I hope that you are able to to hear my music player because the first song playing is the one below. It may not be your type of music but the words are awesome! May God give us all "eyes to see" those around us in need of the Savior!!!!!

Grace to you

Shell

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
Theres a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
To ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus

Ive Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone

A Whole Can Of Worms!

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 14:43:22 GMT

Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless.
1 Samuel 12:21

Well it has been some time since I have been able to put words down. I have been off in my own "little world." Literally...my world has gotten so small lately. Isolation could describe it to some extent. And I absolutely hate it. I have been languishing away...facing the empty nest. My daughter is soon to go off on her own. My youngest son is going to visit with his nephew, his brother and sister-in-law for several weeks in July. Honestly, I sort of dread it.

I have had several suggestions as to what I should do with my time while I am alone. Make a "Bucket List" (taken from the movie "The Bucket List" with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson). While I get the idea behind that, there is just something creepy about doing everything I want to do before I never have the chance to do them. Besides I could not think of one thing I would want to do and even if I could think of one thing, who wants to do that alone?

Now you might be asking, where is all your friends? Where are the people you hang with and do fun stuff with? Well let me fill you in on that area of my life. I hesitate to even bring it up but I have decided that if I can't share it here where else can I share? I want to explain this without sounding like a whiner or woe-is-me. The fact of the matter is that the topography of my life has changed so significantly that I don't even recognize it. Four years ago I was a stay at home mother of four. I spent my days getting kids to school, keeping my house, planning meals and cooking, taking care of my husband. Gave time to women's ministry and took time to scrapbook on occasion with friends. My life was focused on everyone else. In the midst of all that I walked with God on a daily basis.

Over the years everything in that list has gone away. Everything except walking with God. Now I am forced to focus on myself and this has been the struggle of these past months. Since the beginning of 2008. You might get the sense of that through some of my prior blogs. I really don't like all this self focus and reflection. I find things I do not like and or things that I thought was there but isn't. As of late I have been "avoiding." Avoiding the changes I need to make in my life. Avoiding the reality of the situation I find myself in. Even (and I hate to admit this) avoiding God.

Here is where I want to get brutally honest.....in hopes that I open a can of worms. Ok, that saying just seems funny to me...I might have to write something on that later... Just within the last 7 days God has revealed some not so nice things in my life...

Idols have crept back into my life
God is not pleased with my actions
I must change or there will be consequences.

If your interested I will define some of these. I am hoping that there are others out there that might relate and perhaps share their struggle or a prayer for me. I realize that the one thing a Christian should not do is walk alone. We are not islands. We need accountability. We need fellowship. We need to love and be loved. We need to have interaction. God created us that way! When everything is balanced in our life...there is a great peace and joy. When any one area of our life is out of balance there is a restlessness. This restlessness leads our hearts away to find fulfillment. While it should be with God, in Jesus, that is not always the case.

Here is where the rubber meets the road. The idols in my life....television to avoid facing the empty quiet house....food to replace the loneliness... fantasies to wish another reality. Some of the these idols God has set me free from before and some were not a problem until now. An idol is anything that is put first in our life before the Lord. Anything you turn to to seek fulfillment before turning to God. And because I have the knowledge of what an idol is I have no excuse for keeping them in my life. Especially when God opens my eyes to what they are.

My actions. Well just not doing the things I should do or treating others the way I should. I know what the scripture says about this. Especially in the book of Romans. If you have spent anytime reading that book and trying to apply it then you should know what is expected of you as a Christian. I know we are not perfect and will not always do everything we are suppose to but when we willingly reject doing what God commands us to do then we are in sin. Bottom line! I guess my actions really aren't so much what I have done but what I haven't done. Put God first, seek Him and trust Him for the needs in my life that have not been met.

Change or reap the consequences. I am talking about several things here. The food...oh my goodness, wouldn't it be great if we could just take a pill and have everything we need for our bodies to function. I can't say I hate food cuz that would be a lie but I do resent it at times. My weight has gone in the opposite direction since January. My New Years resolution was to lose weight and get in shape but my heart has gotten discouraged in that goal. I have to turn that around because I know that my body is God's temple and I also know that my health is not what it should be. I am dissin' my temple....the consequences of this are very, very real. The fantasies...well they aren't wildly crazy just thoughts of a different kind of life than the one I have. Sometimes I think of what it would have been like if I had never been married ever or I think of what it would have been like to have never been divorced the first time or maybe to be a world traveling business woman...these thoughts take up my time when I am commuting to and from work. Sometimes when I am sitting idle. Some might ask what is wrong with that? I believe they are not constructive, they draw my heart away from God, to discontent and what He dreams for my life and it keeps me from thinking on what is true, pure and of good report.

So here and now...I am recording these words for accountability. I plan to spend my July breaking down idols, seeking to please God and most definitely make some changes. I am going to let God take my hand and show me great and mighty things. I want Him to fill me up so full that there is no room for anything else!!!
I covet your prayers and ask you to hold me to what I have just pledged!
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
Psalm 145:19

She is her mother's daughter....

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 03:26:02 GMT

Today was soooo surreal. My daughter graduated high school. To be standing there at her graduation took me back to the day I stood with my parents, in my cap and gown, taking photos. I, of course, was bawling. I cry at every momentous occasion. I can't help it. The emotion of it overwhelms me. In this particular event it was extrememly overwhelming on many levels.

I remember the day she was born...she came so easily, not so quickly, but easily. I remember the few hours after she was born...we were in our room resting. There was a tape playing in the stereo, one I had made of George Winston's Winter. The only song I remember completely was Carol of the Bells being played on the piano. She was in her basinet under the warming lamps and I was dozing in and out.

I kept waking up and looking over at her...she was perfect. She was a good baby. Slept through the night fairly soon after birth. Her brother was two and he wasn't quite sure of her those first few weeks. He would give me this look when I was holding her, "are you gonna hold me too?" It was just us three then....us three against the world so to speak.

Those were painful times in my life personally but she and my son brought me soooo much joy and comfort. They gave me purpose to not quit, to not give up. They were also the reason that I wanted to learn to live outside myself. To learn to forgive and love again. I wanted to be an example to them. Especailly my daughter.

Seeing her walk across the stage to get her diploma brought all those years back. The years that I didn't quit and kept on going even when things got rough. She faced so many obstacles in her life as well. And she, like me, did not quit or give up. She kept herself focused and set her goals. She seems to have a drive and determination that I am not so sure I had at her age.

The one thing that is stuck in my head right now as I write this is that since the day I found out I was carrying her, all the things I had dreamed for my daughter had not necassarily turned out the way I had hoped. To be raised in a family with a mother and a father, to protect her from the cruelty of others and to give her safety and security. I could not completely give those things to her. But in spite of this, she is strong, courageous and determined.

She has her future planned to some extent and I think she is excited about it. Nervous, but excited. I admire her strength, her fairness and her vision. I envy her potential. I love her for the gift that she is to me. The gift from a loving, gracious God!!!! I will be forever grateful to Him who chose me to be her mother!

Congratulations to my daughter!!!!

Mirrors Are Futile!

Mon, 19 May 2008 01:59:41 GMT

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

1 Corinthians 13:12

I was visiting with friends today and recounting to them some things that God had spoke to me about this week. One of the things He brought back to mind was the blog entry I had written on May 1st, "The Sum of These". The thought that we should recognize ourselves when we look into the mirror was something that caused me a little bit of fear. Year after year you have this idea in your mind who you think you are on the inside and you pretty much know the outside is changing with age. Does the inside? I mean, when I looked into the mirror that day, I could remember thoughts I had had at various times in my life. I felt old...like there were too many years between here and there. So why did I think that I wasn't me anymore? After all if I am growing and changing on the outside (to my chagrin), doesn't it stand to reason that I would do the same on the inside?

The thing the Lord had spoke to me about, in my spirit, was that the changes that have been taking place in my life, in and around me, were meant to make changes on the inside. And by faith, knowing that He has been conforming me to His image since the day I accepted Him as my Savior then naturally I would not recognize myself. I should not recognize myself. For the old man (me) has passed away and I am become new because I am in Christ (2 Cor 5:17). I am not to look like the rest of the world....while He placed me in the world to be a light I am not to "conform to this world" but I am to be transformed (Rom 12:1).

3Then I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels.

4And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.

Jeremiah 18:3-4

With that new perspective on the reflection in the mirror I began to take another inventory. Instead of remembering what I was, I made a list of what I have become, through God's hands. I know many of you have heard the passages in the Bible that paint the picture of God, being the potter and we, being the clay. If you have ever thrown clay, you know that to make something out of the lump, you have to work the outside of the clay, putting just the right pressure in just the right places for the image in your mind to form within your hands. Then as you patiently work the piece you stick your hands or fingers inside the vessel to do the same to the inside as you did on the outside.

When this portion of the piece is complete, what you have in front of you is completely unrecognizable from the lump of clay you started with. In this process you have conformed the image to what was in your mind. The only thing in common with what you began with is the material it is made of. Clay is clay, no matter what form it is in. What makes the difference between the beginning form and the end product is the process it took to get it into the state of usefulness.

The external changes God allowed into my life were the very thing that He used as "pressure" to mold and form me on the inside. My heart and mind forever changed with the movement of His hands in my circumstances. It drew me to God instead of away from Him. I am aware that this is not always the case with every Christian. I had never really looked at the process this way before. I had heard people say, "God is making you into something for His glory."; "God will use these trials to make you more like Christ."; "God is making all things work together for good." I also have read, on numerous occasions, the verses that speak of His conforming us to the image of His son. But what I had not done was hold God's process up to my life, to the mirror so to speak, to find out how He was conforming me.

I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that it was an invisible thing that happened to us. As long as I read my bible, went to church, fellowshipped with God in prayer and worship and won others to Christ, that He would through those things transform me. So in that thought, one day I would go to bed and the next morning wake up and like magical night cream, I would be transformed. I am not naive enough to believe that but somehow I equated my trials, burdens and loss to my walking with God. His Word says we will have trials in this world...so it is a natural part of life, especially the Christian life. I saw this as a way for God to make my heart yearn for my home, Heaven. I guess I did not understand that without the trials, burdens and loss, I would not be able to apply the things I read in the bible, nor would I seek God as often in prayer and worship and certainly would not, through my response to the trials, burdens and loss, be an effective witness to others.

It is very clear to me now that looking in the mirror is futile. It does not matter to me what I see in there, for I know that each time I go back, I will be changed. His Word says so. His Word does not lie, therefore it will be done! This message from God this week was especially poignant...for I had asked God for direction in a decision I needed to make about stepping out, in faith, to make a fresh start. He led me to a memory of when I first got saved and where the fire burned the brightest for me in my walk with Jesus. It was through soul winning, evangelizing and discipling. Those ministries excited me like no other since. Do not misunderstand me, those things have been important throughout my walk in the last 17 years but somehow in these past few years, my eyes and my heart were on the trials, burdens and loss. I managed to keep my faith (not without good Christian counsel, accountability and fellowship with other believers) but my passion for these things had not burned so brightly.

So when God answered my prayer through an open door for a new ministry starting in my area, I knew exactly what God was saying...."Get back to basics" (go back to your first love). One other thing...when I took that step today...God gave confirmation (as He always does), about a month ago, God had laid it on my heart to memorize Romans 12. I had told several friends about it and tried to set about doing it...my memory is not what it used to be, LOL, so it is taking a bit longer than I anticipated...anyhoo...I had managed several verses and am still working on the rest. In doing this exercise over the last several weeks, God has given me some wonderful nuggets to use each day...well today at church...guess what scripture the Pastor preached in? Yep, you guessed it, Romans 12!

I want you all to know, specifically those who are struggling with their walk with God, that there is N-O-T-H-I-N-G in this world that will even come remotely close to being as awesome as God's love, care and faithfulness if you will just keep your eyes on Him and off of yourself! I know that from experience!!!!!

Grace be to all of you this week!

Shell

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Mom, Memories and Magic!

Sun, 11 May 2008 21:23:46 GMT

The memory of the just is blessed.

Proverbs 10:7

I remember one Christmas when I was a little girl how my parents had told my sister and I to go to our room and wait for a surprise. Of course I am not sure the exact words they used but they wanted to set out our presents under the tree to open for Christmas Eve. I could hear them out in the living room moving around. It seemed to take forever. I must have been five, maybe six at the time.

In your mind, when you are that young everything in your memory seems huge. I don't know exactly when they came and told us to come out but if I close my eyes, I can still see the door opening, looking from my room, through the hallway into the living room to the Christmas tree. I can see the hardwood floor, the color and texture of it next to the white walls. The tree was real. The large glass Christmas tree lights in the five colors, red, green, yellow, blue and orange, wrapped around from top to bottom. The tinsel was gently moving on the branches. Even now I can still smell the metal scent on my hands after hanging it. The picture in my mind sparkles like magic.

Entering the room, glancing toward the bottom of the tree we could see all the gifts neatly arranged into two piles one, for my sister and for me. We always got matching gifts, well not exactly matching, the same thing, but different colors. If we got dolls, they were the same type of doll except the color of the hair might be different. It was like that with our clothes too. I think it was because whatever one of us got the other wanted it too.

My mother was very creative. She liked to sew and make things. She would make clothes for our Barbie's. I remember them being so intricate. One outfit had a wrap around skirt that was reversible. One side was a solid color and the other side was a print. She used a piece of matching yarn to tie it all together. It was adorable. She did that with some of the outfits she made for my sister and me. Especially our Halloween costumes, she had made some of them from scratch or when sewing special dresses for some occasion.

My mom always made things nice. As I look back on those memories I realize how hard she tried to make our childhood magical. How she decorated for the holidays, made special crafted items for the occasion. One of my favorite things to watch her do was when she made ice candles. I couldn’t believe my eyes. She poured the wax into an empty milk carton and then dropped ice down into the wax. When it hardened, she cut the carton away. There were some cool looking holes where the ice had fallen. They burned so beautiful!

When I became a mother I wanted to do those things for my kids. I wanted to plan birthday parties, make picnics fun and bring magic into my house. I was privileged to be a stay at home for a time so I tried to do that for them. I miss those days so very much, both my own childhood and my children being young, when I could make everything seem magical for them. I don’t know if I did as good a job as that of my mother, I guess that will remain to be seen. Though one of the things that God has impressed upon me since my sister went home to be with the Lord in Sept 2006, is how precious each memory is and important it is to pass those on to our children. I hope you all have a wonderful Mother's Day!!!

"The Sum Of These!"

Thu, 01 May 2008 19:04:54 GMT

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

~From the television show The Wonder Years

I have been literally looking in the mirror lately, trying to really see who I have become. Often I don’t recognize myself. I can see similarities to the younger me that I once knew but there are significant changes that are somewhat bewildering. Have you ever stood, staring into your own eyes for any length of time? I have and sometimes I have the urge to talk to the stranger I see staring back at me. Who are you? Where did the real Michelle go? What have you done with her? Tell her to come back, please?

And then pictures start flashing across my mind of other times, years before, I stood in the exact same place, staring at a younger version of myself, asking myself other questions pertinent for that particular time. But this precise moment there weren't any tangible answers. Only the memories of what I was at one time or another emerge .

The memories flood into the corners of my mind, one after another…a high school graduate; a woman wearing a military uniform; a carefree young lady seeing the world for the first time; a young woman, getting married to the first man she loved; a first time mother excited & loving life; a wife being left & losing her dream; a woman overcoming loss; a woman achieving a goal; a new woman in Christ; a panicked mother of 4 young children; a woman with the rug pulled out from underneath her; a 9 to 5 woman; a fallen woman; a woman restored; becoming a new mother-in-law & a grandmother. All those women staring back at me, saying to me,"You are the sum of these!"

I am aware that this is an age old dance humans play over time. Age begins to press on our heals and we begin searching for the meaning in everything we have experienced. We begin to examine the places our choices have taken us, the occasions that became turning points in our lives. We take account of the memories that have stayed with us and put them into categories, like childhood, teenage, young adult, mid-life, etc. It is a wonder that our minds can even recount these events let alone the hours we have spent living our life.

Let me take this opportunity to make a point here...

There are 8,760 hours in one year.

I have been alive on earth 397,824 hours

Length of time as a Christian 140,160 hours

And in one year I spend...

Approximate time sleeping 17,885 hours

(based on average 7 hrs a day)

Time at home or other 5,524 hours

Time at work 2,250 hours

Time commuting to work 690 hours

Approximate time at church 338 hours

Vacation time 90 hours

Looking at my little time chart above you can see, just calculating basic time spent in a one year period, how it would be impossible to account for every one of those hours. I tried to calculate certain activities like eating, watching TV, web surfing, bible study or praying but understandably they were virtually impossible to do so. But the picture became clear to me, when considering that I do participate in these things, time is indeed spent, never to be gotten back. Time, the Lord has given me.

All my memories of certain hours in my life, goodness, I could not even begin to add them up.While sometimes unsettling, I may not recognize myself at this stage in my life but I know that God is, at this very minute, forming me into the image He has in His mind. His memories of me are complete. He remembers all 397,824 hours of my life. When I submit to His time management program I will become what He has planned for me. My responsibility is to be grateful for the time given to me and to praise God for His goodness in my life even when I did not know Him...because He certainly knew me, loved me and called me.

When I read the scripture below, the last line struck me as odd. "He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart." What would keep someone from reflecting on the days of their life, especially when they are standing in front of a mirror asking themselves questions about their identity. I believe it has to do with contentment where God has placed you. If you are truly grateful and contented with your life and the place God has put you then you will not spend the time worrying & fretting over the future or regretting the past.

I have to be honest and tell you that I am not completely contented but I am grateful for the hours of my life. I am grateful for the sum of all the women I have been. And I know that whatever God has for me next will be a wonderful addition to the sum of these.

18 Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. 19 Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. 20 He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20
(New International Version)

Standing In His Presence!

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 02:13:05 GMT

I have not been able to spend time on my blog as of late. So many things I have had to take care of. They kept me on my knees and focused on taking care of business. Life changing things. I am never used to change. As you can tell by my last entry. But I have trusted God with these things and as always He has shown His hand. One prayer He answered within several days. As heartbreaking as the answer was I was grateful for it. I had to let go of something that God had given me in the first place. The Lord gave me a scripture during bible study this week that helped me see that when He gives us something, He has the right to take it away. After all Job lost, He still praised God.

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:
       "Naked I came from my mother's womb,
       and naked I will depart.
       The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
       may the name of the LORD be praised."

In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Job 1:20-22

Another event took place, that for four years has been put on the back burner of my life. I may speak to this later in another post, but for now it was the closing of one door and the opening of another. It too was a heartbreaking moment. Before I drag everyone down thinking that I am depressed, I want to make very clear that God is still on the throne of my heart. He rules and reigns with compassion and love for my soul. He is tender and sweet in the way He handles my life. Admittedly, there has been times of great disappointment in His choices for my paths but that came only from a selfish, discontented heart. I know without a doubt that He walks with me everywhere. Never leaving, sometimes silent but never turning His back.

About a week ago I was crying out to Him for direction to several major decisions I had to make and all I could do was pray. One particular evening I felt the need to write but not about me. I wanted to write about Him.

And so I did....

Her body hurt everywhere. Her arms, from being grabbed. Her torso, dragged and thrown to the ground. Her knees felt like there were a thousands pieces of glass was embedded in the skin. The perspiration on her body mingled with the dust whipping up off the ground. She could taste the grit between her teeth. Her heart was beating wildly with fear, dread and despair. It seemed that time was standing still. She replayed the events within her mind leading up to this moment. The noise around her was deafening. The male voices accusing her and wanting her to pay with her very life. She slowly moved her eyes to the sandaled feet in front of her but she dare not raise her head. The heaviness of her her shame and embarrassment kept it down.

She suddenly saw movement before her. Steadily and with purpose the figure lowered himself to the ground and began drawing with his finger in the dirt. Not minding what the men were asking of him. What was he doing? Why was this taking so long? She held her breath waiting for the blows. Any moment she would lose her life. It didn't matter anyway, her life was worthless. She had been living a life that she herself could not accept. But it was all she knew. She had no other way to survive. What was the point, there was nothing left for her to go back to anyway.

Silence interrupted her thoughts. All of a sudden she realized that the men had stopped yelling. There was no sound but the cool morning breeze. Then the stooped man rose facing the men and started to speak. She heard the words but they did not register at first. "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." What was this man saying? Why was he saying such a thing? Could it be that he was rescuing her? So many thoughts coursed through her mind. This was not possible. She did not deserve to be saved. He then stooped down and wrote on the ground again.

After a few seconds she heard a sound. There it was again. It sounded like thuds. Something heavy dropping to the ground. She could tell it was more than one and they came successively. Then she sensed movement behind her. The men were walking away, one by one, until there were none. She trembled as she stood but still could not bring herself to look at the man. He himself stood up and then looked at her. He spoke gently and quietly. "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

It must have been the tone in his voice that made her look up. It was not accusatory, it was not condemning. It was kindness. She knew she was a sinner but here was a man who was not looking at her with disgust nor was he speaking to her with disdain. She had never experienced this before. Suddenly she felt a peace come over her for the first time in her life. She knew that this man was different from any she had ever met. She peered into his eyes and saw compassion and something else. What was it? She answered him, "No man, Lord." And then he said something that changed her life forever.

"Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."

She realized at that moment what it was that she saw. It was mercy.

Written by: Michelle M. Padilla -March 2008